A Hidden Secret Behind Perfectionism

A Hidden Secret Behind Perfectionism (That Not Many People Realise)

There’s a hidden emotional driver behind perfectionism that many people don’t realise: Shame.

Shame is one of the primary emotions linked to perfectionism. At its most intense, it can feel like a shame attack — an overwhelming sense of worthlessness.

Perfectionists often try to avoid shame attacks by trying to be “perfect” — because if they can be perfect, then they’ll be worthwhile.

But this constant avoidance of shame is exactly what keeps people stuck in the cycle of perfectionism.

The Antidote to Shame

Shame can feel heavy and isolating — but it’s not something we have to carry alone.The antidote to shame is empathy, support, and acceptance.

Here’s How to Work With Shame:

• Recognise shame

  learn to recognise shame as a physical sensation in the body. Then explore the messages, beliefs, or distorted thinking that it’s triggering.

• Critical awareness

  do a reality check: What’s driving the feeling of shame? Is it true? Is it realistic or attainable?

• Sharing and connection

  sharing our shame in a safe space — with a group or a supportive listener — is key to healing and recovery.

• Self-compassion

  learn to love and accept yourself not in spite of your flaws, but because of your humanity. You are not alone in your imperfections.

  
  

Want to build a healthy relationship with your emotions - book a free discovery call with me. This is a gentle way to introduce yourself to therapy, ask any questions and see if we are a good fit!